


Shattered

by PostSochiFeels



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Car Accidents, F/M, Family Drama, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-02-28 06:47:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18751165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PostSochiFeels/pseuds/PostSochiFeels





	1. Chapter 1

**ONE***

 

The last thing he remembered before his brain thankfully shut down was the whine and screech of metal against metal, shattering glass and the smell of gasoline.

He tried to recall what had happened to bring him to this dark, empty space. Brief images flipped into his memory and then were gone, like ghosts. Grunting in frustration, he willed his mind back to the last thing he could remember clearly. Skating. That was the only thing that stood out in stark relief among the relics in his brain. He skated and he loved to skate. Was that what he had been doing when this, whatever this was, had happened? Had he fallen? Hit his head? He tried to push his heavy eyelids open, shook his head in annoyance when they would budge, groaning at the pain the movement caused. No. He didn't fall, he almost never fell, that he was positive on because he was the...was the...some animal. But why he was remembering being referred to as an animal, like all his other memories was just a faint whisper. He twisted in the bed and moaned at the pain his simple, small movements brought him. So much pain, what in the hell had happened to him?

He heard the whoosh as the door across the way from his bed slowly opened and his eyes screwed shut tightly at the sudden bright light flooding the room. He could hear people shuffling their feet. He could hear crying. His family maybe, but why would they be crying? He was right here, surely they could see him. He couldn't make any sense of it. He just needed to will his eyes to open and his mouth to move. Then he would know what had happened to cause this searing pain that racked his body.

“He’s still in the coma, I’m sorry.” The doctor gestured toward the still figure in the bed. “There’s been some brain activity today, though and that is a good sign.” He briefly glanced at the readout from one of the machines hooked up to the young man. “Very recent activity, I should say. He’s fighting, and that is a great improvement. I’m sorry I can’t give you more information.”

They watched silently as his muscles twitched and his head suddenly tossed back and forth. “Does that mean…is he possibly…?” A low voice asked, excitement barely contained.

“I’m sorry.” the doctor studied the small group sadly. He knew they were hoping for a miracle, but he didn’t have much good news for them. “It’s just his reflexes.”

“What about his legs?” a female voice softly asked. “He’ll die if he can’t…” she realized the gravity of what she had just said and her words choked in her throat.

“Let’s talk about that in my office.” The doctor checked his vital signs once more, before ushering the family to the door. “You never know what he may be able to hear and process or what he might retain in his memory, even though he is currently in a comatose state. We don’t want him having any negative thoughts about his recovery, now do we?”

Someone mumbled a soft no and gently touched his arm. “We just want him back.” The touch moved from his arm to his hand and warmly encircled it. “We miss you sweetie, please come back to us.” Then the touch was gone, the people were gone and the room was dark and empty once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks later and he was wishing for his days of ignorance as to what had happened to him.

He had woken up - finally - coming out of the coma slowly when one of the night nurses played Mahler’s Fifth Symphony. The music turned a key in his brain and put his few memories of that horrible night on constant rewind. Every night since then he had woken up in the middle of the night, screaming and saturated in a cold sweat. The sound of scraping metal slicing through his head refused to let him sleep soundly.

“Do you recall anything from that day?” The doctor sat next to his bed, a chart resting on his knee. “Do you feel like talking about it?”

“I remember…” He replayed scenes in his mind. The memories were still jumbled, but pieces of the puzzle were starting to drop into place. “I don’t know where to start?”

“Whatever you remember best. We can build from that.”

“Okay...um...I was done. I had been skating..in a show, maybe? There were lots of people outside screaming and yelling.”

The doctor nodded for him to continue.

“I remember signing autographs and posing for pictures. There was a car...but I drove?” He screwed up his face in concentration. “Why would I drive if there was a car for me?”

“Maybe because you were home?” The doctor suggested.

“Maybe? Someone was there...or I was going to see someone…” He slapped his palm on the bed in frustration.

“I probably went to Molly Blooms. Hungry. Then the hotel. Or home? Yes. Home. I was going home.” His fingers restlessly tugged at the blankets covering him. “There was a crash. I don’t know what happened. I hope I didn’t cause the accident but I can’t remember!” he cried out, angry with himself and his brain for not being able to recall what he had done.

“You didn’t hit anyone. You were hit, badly, in a four car crash. Your car was in the middle of everything.”

“Was anyone hurt?”

The doctor looked up at the family huddled in the corner. “There were some other injuries suffered, yes. Nothing quite as severe as yours.”

The young man scoffed. “I don’t even know how serious my injuries are. You won’t tell me!” He swatted at a ripple in the bed covering. “I just hurt everywhere all the goddamn time.”

His family exchanged glances with the doctor once more. He needed to know and he needed to know now. It was the first step in his long road to recovery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, how was your nap?” HIs visitor entered the room and shut the door and the blinds before he sat beside him on the hospital bed. “The light still bothers you, right?”

“Char!” He moved his hand to grasp his brothers, each movement still sparking a sharp pain. “Yeah, the nurses keep opening the blinds when I’m sleeping , then I wake up with a migraine the size of London.” he complained.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m sore, frustrated, angry. I just want to know what happened to me. I hate like hell that I can’t remember.”

“Scott. The family decided I should tell you. I guess maybe because I’m a fireman and...well...I guess...I have to tell people bad news sometimes.” Charlie choked on his words. “This is so hard. We...we thought we were going to lose you. You were asleep for so long.”

“But I woke up.”

“Yeah.” Charlie smiled, wanly. “You did, but...Jesus...there is no easy way to tell you this.”

The fear and hurt in his brothers voice scared Scott. Charlie was a firefighter that had seen everything. Despite that, he was always the optimistic, positive one in the family. Nothing had ever made him look or sound like he did right now.

“I know something is wrong with me. Just tell me.”

“It’s not good news, little brother.” Tears were sliding down Charlie’s cheeks and now Scott was really frightened.

“I can take it.” Scott tried to sound confident, but his voice was barely above a whisper.

“Your injuries…” Charlie began. “They are very serious. Your legs were...um...you were hurt very badly in the wreck. You had..have...severe head trauma, the coma…” Charlie wiped away his tears.

“What about my legs?” Scott had skated since he was a young boy, skating was all he knew. His legs couldn’t be injured, they just couldn’t.

“I can’t even begin to tell you how horrible it was to come here and find you like that. You looked so bad.” Charlie whispered, grabbing his hand and leaning down close to him.

“What’s wrong with my legs, Char?”

Scott watched, his eyes widening in fright as his brother grasped his leg at his thigh and slowly rubbed down to his knee, ending with a little pinch to his calf.

“Do it again.” His face blanched as Charlie repeated the gestures. “I can’t feel that Charlie. Why can’t I feel that?”

“Easy brother.” Charlie soothed. “Don’t panic.” He needed to say the rest quickly, get it out before he broke down again. “They think you are paralyzed from the waist down. Scott, I’m so sorry.”

Paralyzed?

No more skating?

They might as well have let him die.

Scott twisted away from his brother and buried his face in the pillows.

“We were so afraid we were going to lose you and we couldn’t..not after..” Charlie paused, afraid he’d said too much. They told him to be careful about what he revealed, that the shock of everything at once might be too much for Scott in his current state.

“Not after what?” Scott asked, his voice muffled by the pillows.

Charlie took a deep breath. He was going to tell him. His brother was tough. He could handle the news and he needed to know before someone visiting spilled the news. “Have you recalled who you were meeting that night?”

Scott shook his head, sadly. “I can’t even remember if I was meeting someone. It’s all a blur. I guess, maybe, it’s good I didn’t because they would have been with me when…”

As soon as the words left his mouth the memories slammed into his consciousness like a runaway freight train. The shock throwing him back onto his pillows.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“You’re a hit, Scott! Look at all these people!”_

_He glanced around at the crowd waiting for him and searched for the owner of the proud and excited voice. Finding her standing off to the side, he put out his hand and pulled her to him. Looking out at the crowd once more, he smiled, never had he imagined that his love of skating could translate into this level of success. He beamed at his girlfriend, who clutched his hand._

_“They love you.”_

_"Nah, they just love the sight of my sweet ass in tights." he joked._

_"Oh no, honey. That's all mine." She swatted at the mentioned body part and grinned. "Get out there and greet your public."_

_Scott made a funny face and waded into the crowd. “Wanna grab dinner? We can go together!” he called back. “There’s a car and driver waiting for me. We can be chauffeured like rock stars!” He posed for a photo with a fan, holding his hand high in his signature peace sign._

_“My car is here too.” She called back. “You know you’ve been dying to drive it.”_

_“Yes! I’ll cancel the limo and we can go together. I can’t wait!”_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where is she?” Scott cried as he tried to push himself off the bed. “What happened to her?”

Charlie firmly pushed Scott down, his hands gentle on his shoulders. “The accident was awful. One of the worst I’ve seen. Her car was right in the middle. They had to cut if apart with the Jaws of Life to get you both out.”

“Where is she?” He struggled against his brothers strong arms, but he was too weak and in too much pain to fight him. “Please! I need to see her!”

“Take it easy. I wasn’t supposed to say too much. They don’t want you upset.”

“Just tell me, please!” Scott was on the verge of tears.

Charlie studied his brothers anxious face and sighed deeply. “Jackie died while you were in the coma. She was hurt badly, she lived for a few days like you, in a coma, then had a massive stroke. They couldn’t save her.”

“Can you...give me a few minutes alone?” Scott asked quietly. Charlie hugged him tightly and whispered ‘I’m so sorry’ in his ear. He shut the door softly and went in search of a doctor to check on Scott.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What did he have left? His legs were useless, they might as well be gone. His career, his passion, his life - gone. Jackie. He was going to ask her to marry him once the tour was over. And now she too was gone. How did they expect him to go on? He had nothing left to live for. Scott looked out the window to make sure Charlie wasn’t returning. He painfully twisted in the bed so he could reach the side table. The nurses left his pain medication there so he could have access to it if the pain flared up. Surely there was enough drugs to make him go back to sleep and never wake up again. To forget this horrible nightmare. He grasped the bottle with his fingertips and briefly wrestled with the cap. Yes, the bottle was nearly full. Dumping the pills into his hand he swallowed them two by two and laid back down, tears staining his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**TWO***

Scott felt like he was surrounded by a thick fog, pressing against him, pushing him down, forcing all the air out of his lungs. Was this what it was like to die? Maybe it was getting all the bad stuff out of his body before he entered the Heaven. He tried to take a deep breath and couldn't. It was like there was a tight band around his chest, constricting any movement he might want to make. It was dark. Maybe he wasn't going to Heaven, he thought. Maybe he was entering Hell. He had committed suicide, after all, and killed Jackie. Even if the accident was not his fault, the only reason she had been in the car was because of him. That had to negate all the good stuff he had done in his life. Wherever he was destined for, he summoned up a prayer for himself and let himself go.

The next sound he heard was the shrill tinny beep of a machine and someone crying out his name. He shook his head, trying to rid it of the sounds. Someone thumped on his chest so hard Scott thought they might have broken something. Everything was so loud. He could feel someone prodding him, poking him with something sharp and then a bright light in his eye, making him wince.

“Scott!” the loud voice again, almost as shrill as the machine had been. “We’re not letting you go! Not after all this! Goddamn you for making me do this!” ” The machine had given up on its drone and settled for a slow and steady beep beep beep instead.

Much better, he thought to himself. Wherever he was, he didn't think he was ready for it. He felt a hell of a headache coming on. 

“He’s alive. You got to him in time.” The doctor studied the monitors surrounding Scott and checked his heart rate one more time. “Good work, Mr. Moir. You brother is a lucky man.”

“I wonder if he’ll think the same when he wakes up.” Charlie murmured.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scott slowly opened his eyes, not sure if he was prepared for whatever sight he was about to see. The pressure had lifted from his chest and the fog had dissipated finally. Taking a deep breath, he fully opened his eyes and let his eyes wander around the room. It looked like he was still in the hospital. Everything around him was white. He could see figures across the way, but too far away to be in focus. They sounded like they were crying. People wouldn’t be crying in Heaven, would they? He tried to say something, but found that he couldn't. His throat hurt dreadfully. He was disappointed, he’d hoped the pain would be gone once he was dead, but it was back tenfold. He must have made some sort of sound though, because one of the figures came closer and took his hand gently.

“He’s awake, Scott's awake!”

The figures gathered around him and now he could make out that they were his family. His mother and father, aunt and uncle and Charlie was holding his hand tight within his. He wasn't dead. not unless his whole family died with him. He hadn't killed himself at all.

Scott tried to speak again and tossed his head in frustration when he couldn't utter more than a grunt.

“Don’t try to talk, honey.” His mother soothed as she patted his cheek.. “You've got a breathing tube for now.”

“Don’t scare us like that again, son.” His father tried to sound gruff and would have succeeded if not for the tears.

“I told you we couldn't lose you too.” Charlie whispered to him. “Why did you do something so stupid? You’re such a jackass. Everyone is so upset, Scott.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. Why didn't anyone understand? He was a skater. He was paralyzed. What did he have left to live for?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scott stared forlornly down at the blankets laying across his useless legs. He swatted his left thigh and felt..nothing. He wished they had never allowed him to sit up, all he could stare at was his legs. He concentrated, trying to get them to move, but nothing worked. He couldn’t even get his toes to wiggle. Now and then he’d feel a twinge of pain in his thigh or calf. He’d get excited and call for the nurse or doctor, but they explained how they were phantom pains and they would occur occasionally. He’d tried to focus on reading, but now that he was on a suicide watch, the nurses came in far too often to make sure that he was still alive. The doctor had been in talking to him as well, he informed him how he would be able to go home soon and how they would be seeing him often for physiotherapy. Scott barely listened. Therapy wouldn’t allow him to skate again. He deferred all appointment making to his mom, she would make sure he was where he needed to be and when.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
“Uncle Scott!” His niece, Charlotte entered Scott's hospital room, pushing a wheelchair decorated with balloons and brightly colored scarves in front of her, with the help of her dad. “I've got your new ride!"

"Time to get out of here, little bro!" Danny pumped his fist. "Like it? Char and Quinn decorated it."

"I can’t go anywhere, Danny.” Scott answered, flatly. “How am I supposed to get in there?”

“The doctor is sending someone down to show us. He said you need to get out and moving now that you are healing. You get to go home in a few days, remember!”

“Danny, I’m not going anywhere, I’m not interested.” Scott turned his head to the wall and refused to look at his brother.

“You’re gonna turn down a date with your favourite niece?” Charlotte pushed her face right in front of his and batted her eyes at him. 

“Char..I just don’t…”

Before Scott could say anymore his doctor entered with a pretty young woman following him. She looked around his age, short, had flowing dark hair pulled into a ponytail and stunning green eyes.

“Scott, this is Miss Tessa Virtue. She’s new to our hospital, but she’s been practicing for a few years. She’s fit in very well with our staff and patients. We thought she would be a good match for you and your situation, she’s going to be your physical therapist from this point on.”

Tessa leaned over to shake his hand. “Nice to meet you Scott. I’m looking forward to working with you.” She took a glance at the colourful wheel chair. “I hear you’re going out in the chair for the first time?”

Scott grunted. “I guess they want me to. But I can’t get in that thing. Not now.”

“Oh you can. And you will.” She tossed him a brilliant smile. “I’ll give you a few minutes to get dressed and I’ll show you how to maneuver into the chair.”

Danny grinned at the doctor as Tessa walked out the door, tossing her no nonsense ponytail over her shoulder as she did. This could get interesting. It sounded like Tessa wasn’t going to pamper his stubborn brother like he might have expected.

“I think she means business, little bro. You best get dressed before she comes back and sees your bare ass hanging out.”

“Dad!” Charlotte hissed.

“Whoops, sorry baby.” Danny ruffled her hair as he pulled her close to him. “Time to get dressed, Scott.”

“Yeah!” Charlotte encouraged. “I wanna visit with you outside! It’s a beautiful day!”

Danny set a pile of clothes on the bed. “You don’t want to disappoint Char Char do you?” Or Miss Tessa?”

Scott sighed. He felt like he was being ambushed. Just then Miss. Virtue popped her head back in the door, her mouth turned down in a disapproving frown. “Still not dressed?”

He tried not to stare at her startling green eyes. “I’m working on it.” Scott groused, as he reached for his shirt. “Charlotte, can you maybe…” he gestured to the door. He didn’t want Charlotte to watch him get out of bed and attempt to get his pants on..

“Charlotte?” Miss Virtue reached out her hand. “How about you come with me while your Dad helps Scott? Then we help Scott get ready for you all to go outside together.”

Charlotte looked back at her dad, who nodded yes while Scott just glared at Tessa. She seemed like a nice enough woman, but also one that wouldn’t take no for an answer. He could already see their physio sessions ending with someone getting angry. He didn’t want to be hassled by her, Charlotte and Danny anymore about getting up and out of bed. He would do it for Charlotte, just this once.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
After several tries, with Tessa and his brother helping him, Scott was able to haul himself into the chair. It took all of his arm strength to do it and he was very winded and frustrated once he was settled.

“I can’t do this.” He insisted. “It hurts too much.” It didn’t really hurt as much as it felt weird. Scott thought to himself. With no feeling in his legs to balance him as he sat, he felt like he was going to tip over at the first movement of the chair.

“This is just your first time. The more you exercise, the less winded you’ll get. It won’t take too long to build up your upper body strength. You look pretty fit already.” Tessa told him. “I have a ton of great exercises. You’ll get used to it.”

“I don’t want to get used to it.” Scott muttered under his breath. 

If Tessa had heard him, she ignored his comment. “Enjoy your outing with your family. I’ll see you later today for the first of our sessions, okay Scott?” Tessa patted his shoulder and held the door for Charlotte and Danny to push Scott through and start their walk.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She seems nice.” Danny said, as they entered the elevator.

“She seems like she’s going to be a pain in the ass.” Scott muttered.

“Uncle Scott!” Charlotte chided. “You and Dad keep saying bad words!”

“Sorry, Char.” Scott apologized. “I’m just not in a great mood.”

“But it’s a beautiful day outside.” his niece stared at him in surprise. “Aren’t you happy to be going out?”

“Char.” Scott started to explain his upset about not being able to walk and then stopped himself. He wasn’t sure what Danny had told her about his injuries and he didn’t want to scare her.

“Are you sad because you can’t walk, Uncle Scott?”

Scott offered a grim smile. “Something like that, yeah.”

“But...you’re alive. Dad said you almost died.” Charlotte took his large hand in her small one. “You didn’t want to die, did you?”

Shit. Nothing like a seven year old to give you a reality check.

“No sweetheart.” Scott squeezed her hand tightly. “I didn’t want to die. I love you all very much. I’m just really sad that I can’t skate again.”

“And about Jackie.” Charlotte pouted. “I liked Jackie.”

“I...I did too.” Scott could feel the tears starting. “I miss her.”

“Me too.” Charlotte jumped up and down as the elevator doors opened. “Look how nice it is outside, Uncle Scott! Jackie is smiling in the sunshine!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Doesn’t it feel good to get out of there, Scott? I don’t know how you haven’t gone stir crazy!” Danny asked, pushing Scott along a trail on the grounds of the hospital while Charlotte ran ahead and picked dandelions, running back and forth to deposit them in Scott’s lap.

“Don’t be convinced that I haven’t.” Scott said grimly.

“Cheer up, little brother! I thought we’d go see some friends here in London in the next few days, everybody can’t wait to…”

Scott cut him off with a sharp “No!”

“Listen Scott, they’ve all been worried about you, they miss you and want to see you.” Danny tried to convince him. He knew how stubborn his youngest brother could be and he knew that seeing friends would bring him much needed good vibes and positive energy.

“No, I’m not ready for anyone to see me like this.” He gestured down at his legs. “They can’t see me like this.”

“They all know. They’re your friends, they care for you and your health, not about your legs.” Danny had stopped the chair and knelt in front of his brother. “They understand, Scott.”

“Danny, no. I don’t want my friends or anyone to see me this way. I just don’t. Just take me back to the hospital, please.” Scott was near tears. The thought of his friends feeling pity for him was more than he could bear.

“What about our friends at home? They’ve been so worried.”

“I’ll have to see how I feel about visiting them once I get home.” Scott assured him. “Please, just take me back. I’m getting tired.”

“But don’t you want to go get a burger or something? You don’t want to go back there already? We just got outside?”

Scott had to admit to himself that the thought of a juicy, loaded cheeseburger sounded delicious, but too many people had already been staring at him as Danny and Charlotte took turns pushing him around. How many of them recognized him? How many were feeling sorry for him right now? He couldn’t stand it.

“No. Maybe tomorrow or something, Dan. I’m not up to it today.”

Danny sighed as he silently pushed his brooding brother back to his stale hospital room. He needed more than physical therapy to get out of this funk, he just wasn’t quite sure yet, what would do the trick.


End file.
